A Series to Explore Gay Marriage - Part 1

Part I

Within the last few months I’ve become aware of California Proposition 8, a proposal to amend the state constitution to place a ban gay marriage. This is not the first attempt of a state to ban gay marriage, and won’t be the last. Just today a similar judicial decision was handed down in Connecticut granting the right of homosexuals to marry, and there will undoubtedly be a backlash there too.

So why should I care? I don’t live in California or Connecticut. In the next few years this issue will affect all Americans no matter where we live. Gay rights and gay marriage are not going away.

For those of you that are LDS this issue is particularly relevant because of the LDS church’s active involvement in this political battle. You may know that in June the First Presidency of the Church issued a letter read to be read over the pulpit in all California congregations calling for members to “do all you can to support the proposed constitutional amendment by donating of your means and time to assure that marriage in California is legally defined as being between a man and a woman.” The Church is the single largest financial contributor to this proposal and has donated over 5 million dollars to the cause so far. This is causing a dilemma for many LDS people, and has spawned many movements by active LDS members that disagree with the Church’s involvement in a political matter, especially when they are specifically asking members to vote a certain way and to donate their means and time to the cause.

Many are unsure of their personal stance on this issue and many others are against gay marriage but they may not have clear reasons for their position.

The importance of this issue requires us all to become informed so that we can make knowledgeable decisions about it. That is why I’m writing about this. I hope you will take the time to read and respond with your thoughts and opinions. If we disagree and have a different point of view I welcome your comments, and I will be respectful of your view. I want to share what I’ve found in my search for understanding, and have a discussion with the people in my life to better understand their position.

I’ve divided this topic into a series of posts because it gets complicated, and there is much to discuss within the context of this issue. I will post one segment at a time, leave time for comments and discussion before posting the next part.

I think one of the most important aspects of this issue is to determine whether homosexuality is a lifestyle choice made by some people, a product of a dysfunctional environment, or a biological condition that a small portion of our species is born with.

Nature vs. Nurture and Biology vs. Choice
Is homosexuality an inherently evil choice that deviant members of society are making, or are homosexuals born with an innate attraction to their own sex that is no more a conscious choice than the choice that heterosexuals make to be attracted to the opposite sex?

Since the LDS church is entangled in this issue let's see what the prominent scholars of the Church believe about whether homosexuality is a choice or not? According to BYU biology professor William Bradshaw it is no more a choice than whether you are right-handed or left-handed. You can read what his research shows here (it’s a quick read and really worthwhile): http://newsnet.byu.edu/story.cfm/49488

This is nothing new. The scientific/medical/psychological community as a whole has understood this for many years. There is no evidence whatsoever to show that homosexuals are born straight and then suddenly decide to become gay. Most homosexuals report that they had homosexual feelings from a very young age. Environmental factors have also been mostly ruled out; this is a biological matter just like the color of our hair and eyes. Homosexuality appears in similar proportions throughout the animal kingdom as it does in humans. Are the animals making an evil choice to be gay? There is so much evidence from all perspectives that homosexuality is a trait that people are born with that it really challenges the idea that choice has any part of it.

I’ve heard some say that it may not be a choice to be gay, but that it is a choice to be sexually active if you are gay. I try to put myself in the position of a gay LDS member. Here is my conceptualization of what it would be like from the perspective of a heterosexual man. I’m given two choices:

1. Marry a man even though I’m only attracted to women.
2. Live the rest of my life in celibacy, alone, never sharing intimacy with another human being.

Not very attractive options.

If the same moral rules against fornication and adultery apply to homosexuals, should we give them the option to marry so they can live that higher law and commitment to their partner too?

Thoughts, reactions?

Coming up next: Part II – The Politics of Gay Marriage – looking at the arguments on both sides of Prop 8

The Power of Education

My friend James recently wrote on his blog about the commonly held idea that everyone should go to college and be successful. He mused on whether the costs of education are worth the amount of debt that many people incur. He spoke to the fact that there are a lot of college educated people out there making less money than their blue collar brethren. I don’t dispute any of that, but I feel like there is another dimension to this argument that warrants discussion.

It took me 20 years to complete my Bachelors degree and it is the most precious (and yes, most expensive) thing that I possess. I’m not saying that everyone should go to college, but I do believe that anyone that is capable of a higher education should be educated. The personal growth and nurturing of my mind is much more valuable to me than any material objects that I could have bought by now if I had become an electrician. I’m not saying that no one should become a blue collar worker; I’m just saying that the opportunity for a liberal arts education should be a part of citizenship no matter what career you end up in. There may be a few people that just can’t do it or refuse to do it. Fine. I’m not talking about making it mandatory.

I think many people in blue collar trades are very intelligent and could do as well as many college students if they were encouraged and didn’t have to take on the debt to get it. I’m definitely in agreement with James that you shouldn’t end up in thousands of dollars of debt to become educated.

Here’s the question in my mind: If America is really the greatest nation in the world then why isn’t our education system second to none? We’re ranked far below many Asian and European countries. Many of those countries also pay for the cost of the education of their people (along with other “luxuries” like receiving healthcare without a trip to bankruptcy court soon after.) Somehow, I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that the populations of countries that are better educated than America also subsidize most (if not all) of the cost of college. Hmmm.

All I’m saying is that education is the key to a great nation. The impact of education spills into every area of our lives, and most of the time we don’t even consider how our own education has formed us. I’d be happy if there were more mechanics like Skye’s that were educated just because they could be and wanted to be. I’d love to get into a deep environmental discussion with the guy fixing my HVAC. I’d love to live in a country where the majority of the population is intelligent and aware of the world around them.

Insane ignorance is what ushered in the extinction of the indigenous people on Easter Island as they cut down their very last tree. America is on the precipice of environmental, political, and financial disaster right now. Science was screaming about global warming and pollution many years ago, and we’re finally reacting. Why? First of all, rising fuel costs get people’s attention. Secondly, someone made a movie that simplified the problem down to a level that common folks could understand. Education happened. Some people are still in denial about it (Palin), but at least the majority of Americans now feel that this is a top issue.

My point is that, although not everyone will become a scholar or an intellectual, most beneficiaries of a college education will learn to think critically and have a much greater understanding of the world around them. They will be exposed to the ideas that make up a thoughtful citizenry.

Think about the masses of uneducated folks that want to vote for leaders that are ordinary guys. W was elected twice in part because he seemed like a person that you could sit down and have a beer with. Yee-haw! Now we have a religious fanatic running for VP, a heartbeat away from that 3 AM call, that has stated that she believes the apocalypse will happen in her lifetime, dinosaurs walked the earth 7,000 years ago with the first humans, and that the Iraq war and the pipeline she wants to build are “God’s will.” Super-neato.

To read about some of Palin’s scary religious views and practices read the following article. She makes Obama’s former minister seem pretty safe in comparison:
http://messageboards.aol.com/aol/en_us/articles.php?boardId=566751&articleId=839062&func=5&channel=News+AOL+Managed

So, what if we subsidized the higher education system (or gave everyone Pell Grants and regulated the university system’s exorbitant costs) so everyone could go to college without gaining a boatload of debt with their degree? How would we pay for it? Why don’t we ask our smarter neighbors, Japan, Korea, Singapore, Finland, Australia, Belgium, Austria, Hungary, Netherlands and the United Kingdom how they do it. I bet they have some great ideas.

Maybe we could start by getting the fanatical idiots that believe we’re in a holy war with Iraq and Afghanistan out of the positions of power in our country. Maybe we could cut military spending down to the level of other civilized countries and we could work together with them to defend the world instead of utilizing the incredibly evil “Bush Doctrine” of pre-emptive war.

I don’t think we’re ready; the fear factory keeps us hunkered down, telling us that it’s them elite dudes is what you need to be-a-scairt of. Anyone who says they wanna talk to our enemies is the enemy. Being smart’s just fer them fancy-pantses. Just go to your blue-collar job, consume as much crap as you can, get the biggest truck you can afford, drink another Bud, watch lots of good programs on TV (especially Fox so you can see all the pretty flags,) turn the Skynrd up, make lotsa babies, don’t ask questions, don’t think too hard about anything, join the military, and for God’s sake, STAY SCARED!

I do think that in light of the mess our country is in many people are waking up. I’m hopeful that the future of America will focus on building the greatest resource we have. Our people. I hope we will take care of the health of EVERY American, to educate EVERY American. I hope that we can shift our focus from short term profits to long lived prosperity.

Michelle and Samantha's Wedding

Good friends Michelle and Samantha tied the knot, and it gave Emily, Audrey, James, and me a good excuse to hang out, celebrate, and enjoy some great conversations.


James and Audrey have posted on this, so I basically want to add some pictures.

I also want to say - Michelle and Samantha, I love you and support you both!

And, James, Audrey, and Emily - I treasured the time with you.

BTW - Emily took many of the amazing photos shown below since I was busy being the "Bridesdude" (the photographer didn't know what elso to call me since I was the only male in the wedding ceremony!)

The happy couple

The Reunion - what a great night!

Audrey was having a blast with her new camera, and if you've seen her blog lately you know that she's an amazing photographer!

Audrey says, "I will dominate the world of photography, oh yes, I will!"

Michelle at the ceremony rehearsal looking beautiful and happy.

Michelle and her amazing flowery doo - stunning!

Michelle getting made up by one of her bridesmaids.

Picture time at the Seattle Public Library.

Hanging out at the ceremony practice.

A slow dance at the reception.

My dance with Michelle.

Michelle with one of her brothers and Emily.

Michelle and three of her siblings.

James ignores Emily as she tries to get him up for Karoke.

Later, he and Audrey give us a mean rendition of "Afternoon Delight"



The happy dancer shows off her Napolean Dynamite moves on the wharf in Seattle!

20 Years Later

Well friends and family, I finally graduated! I now have a Bachelor of Science in Liberal Studies. I decided not to walk because I'm going right into grad school and I'll walk when I finish that. I started my undergrauate degree at BYU in 1988; It feels pretty good to finally have completed something that I started so long ago.

I'm really looking forward to my grad program. I'm going to do my first year field placement at my current place of employment and I've chosen a daunting project. I will be working one-on-one with kids that have severe ADHD or other mental health issues, teaching them self-soothing and mindfulness techniques.

To prepare myself for this new challenge, I have signed up for a 10 day Vipassana meditation course that will begin Sept. 3rd. It is 10 days of silent meditation and introspection, and I'm both terrified and excited about completing it. If you want to see the documentary that inspired me to do this you can watch it on YouTube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Pk6RlUKanA

I look forward to writing more about it and sharing my experience when I get back .

Bringing it Back to Life

I don't know if anyone actually reads this anymore, but I figure if you do, then you're close to me and you deserve an update. Unfortunately, I have mostly sad news to share right now.

Dani and I have split up. For that reason, I'll be removing a number of posts on this blog that relate to our former relationship. The split is not bitter or mean, but it just seems like the right thing to do. I thought about deleting the whole blog, but it existed before Dani and I want to keep many of the posts as a kind of online journal.

Thanks to those of you that have been helpful in processing this with me. I'm sorry I haven't called more of you, but it's been a struggle for me to reach out.

I do hope to post here more regularly and get back into writing and thinking about things. The last several months, I have been absorbed with work and school, and I haven't taken the time to put effort into blogging. I miss it and look forward to exploring ideas here again.

The Veracious Inquiry

New Blog Launch!!! The new blog is called The Veracious Inquiry. Read about it below and go check it out to see some fun pictures and interesting discussion.

This blog will remain as my personal blog to update family and friends on life happenings and to post pictures and so on. The new blog is co-authored and will be a collborative learning experiment.

The Veracious Inquiry

The name of the blog was chosen because the authors and readers are interested in a quest to explore our purpose and how we become our highest selves. There are many different paths on this quest and here they will be equally valued and respected. Whether we follow the teachings of Jesus Christ, The Buddha, Muhammad, or the dictates of a personal code of ethics, in this place, we will place the Truth as our highest priority in order to create a place of integrity and authenticity.

The Veracious Inquiry blog is about exploring ideas, asking questions, and sharing insights. That can mean anything from a serious post about a religious question to a humorous post about something that happened at the store. The point is that we are having a conversation and helping each other learn and grow. Our hope is that the content will be intellectually stimulating, emotionally touching, or gut-bustingly funny.

If you are here to participate in the spirit of an open-minded learning experience then read on and enjoy. If you are here to criticize or demean, please leave now.If you enjoy the content and discussion of this blog and would like to be a guest author and link up with us you can send an e-mail to me and I will respond with what I would need to add you on.

What is the Purpose of “The Holidays?”

I'm working on an argument paper for my writing class and I would like some feedback from friends and family. Here are a few facts to get you thinking:

• Americans throw away about 25 million tons of trash between Thanksgiving and New Year's Eve. This is about 25 percent more than normal, or roughly 1 million extra tons of garbage per week.
  
  
• If every American family wrapped just three presents in re-used materials, it would save enough paper to cover 45,000 football fields.
  
  
• It takes an average of six months for a credit card user to pay off their holiday debt.
  
  
• Americans buy enough greeting cards to fill a football stadium 10 stories high!
  

My thesis is that by reducing the craze of holiday consumption we could reinvigorate the original intent of the holiday season as a time of family togetherness and spiritual connectedness. By replacing store bought, mass produced, over packaged goods with handmade items, or giving time instead of stuff, we could significantly lower consumer debt and eliminate the environmental impact of old holiday cards, wrapping paper, gifts that end up in the trash, and the gas we use to drive around shopping.

As some of you know, I have not been a huge fan of the holidays since I started working for the "Plastic Palace" when I was 22. Working for Toys R Us for 13 years traumatized me, leaving me permanently scarred, cynical, and soured on a time of year that I loved as a kid.

Working in retail management meant that "the season" was all about selling enough plastic trinkets to turn a profit before the year ended. It meant working 70 to 80 hour work weeks from Thanksgiving to Christmas.

It meant seeing the ugliest side of consumerism year after year as drunk, dead beat dads yelled at me for not having the hot toy of the year on Christmas Eve when they actually remembered that they had fathered a child and decided to go shopping.

It meant watching people overindulging their hyper-materialistic spawn with cartloads of crap that they heard them whining for since Halloween ended and the holiday toy ads started running relentlessly during children's 28 hours of weekly TV watching (yes that is the American average).

It meant watching a parent pull multiple maxed out credit cards from their wallet to pay for the carts of future landfill that would soothe their guilty conscience for the time they didn't spend with them. I couldn't help but wonder how many of these parents were bankrupting their children's education funds by digging themselves too deep in the hole of credit debt for the sake of keeping up with the Jones' kids.

Why do we do this? Has it always been this way? What does Christmas have to do with going into debt to buy gifts for people that are not in need of much of anything at all? What about the environmental impact of all the stuff that we get and give?

In researching these questions I found several movements that are into alternative ideas for holiday gift giving:

There is the "Buy Nothing Christmas" which, as their name states, believes in giving gifts that do not require buying anything. http://www.buynothingchristmas.org/

There is the "Hundred Dollar Holiday" where you spend no more than a hundred bucks total on the holidays. http://www.newdream.org/newsletter/100holiday.php

There is the "Simplify your Holiday" idea that has great alternative gift ideas and tools to help reevaluate what the holidays mean for you or your family. http://www.newdream.org/holiday/simplify.pdf

Buy Nothing Day (http://adbusters.org/metas/eco/bnd/) is a boycott of Black Friday and they do some fun things to raise awareness about over consumption. Here is a CNN interview of the founder of Adbusters magazine talking about why Buy Nothing Day exists.

Americans consume a huge majority of the resources from the world while we comprise only a small fraction of the total population. Each item that we purchase has a hidden cost in terms of environmental damage. Future generations may not be able to afford the debt which we are incurring right now. We are voraciously consuming the planet's resources at a rate which was unsustainable a long time ago and which becomes even more unsustainable as the global population continues to soar.

So, what can I do? I don't really know where to begin. I feel guilty and helpless. I feel overwhelmed. I've read a little bit here and there on this topic over the last few years and I've avoided dealing with it head on. I call it a case of long term denial. It's easy to push away when the price most likely won't have to be paid in my lifetime. Or will it?

I'm starting small. I have converted to 100% renewable sourced electricity in our apartment. I recycle (sometimes). After researching my paper I have decided to join New American Dream. It is an organization that

"exists to create that positive impact. We work with individuals, institutions, communities, and businesses to conserve natural resources, counter the commercialization of our culture, and change the way goods are produced and consumed. As for the "new" in New American Dream, we help people live the dream, but in a way that ensures a livable planet for current and future generations. Our message isn't about deprivation. It's about getting more of what really matters—more time, more nature, more fairness, and more fun. "

What do you think about all this? Any counter arguments? Can the holidays be meaningful and fun without the buying? I want to hear your opinions?