Gammi's 90th Birthday Party

A few weeks ago Pete and I traveled out to Utah to celebrate my Grandma's (Gammi) 90th. We had a great time seeing family and playing with our nieces and our new nephew. Miraculously, everyone got along and we enjoyed reminiscing about good times that we had with Gammi. We also heard stories about our ancestors and saw old pictures that we hadn't seen before.


Almost our whole family. Dee Dee's husband, Jared, was trying to keep up with McKenna (she was having a blast running around) so they didn't make it into the picture.




















Gammi when she was little. (above)
I think (my niece)McKenna looks a lot like Gammi in this picture.




















Gammi's still beautiful at ninety, but she was a hottie back in the day.

















Gammi, with my Mom and Uncle Charles, then and now!








Amy and Lainey (left), Amy's daughter, Talia (below)

My sisters, Dee Dee and Amy





Pete entertaining Dee Dee's daughter, Alyssa




















Dee Dee's daughter, Savannah (above) and Lainey (below)



















Gammi and her great granddaughters


Pete being a funnyhead with his nieces (above). Punch and cake are good, yeah? (below)

Burning Ceremony

A month or so ago Emily P. responded to my call for group ideas, giving me some great inspiration. One idea that immediately called out to me was performing a burning ceremony. Yesterday in Awakenings, we talked about regrets. We talked about how regrets affect us and we confessed a few of our regrets to each other. As you can imagine, there is a lot of regret in a lockdown facility.

We created a box, decorated with the kid’s Awakening names and symbols and we filled it with our regrets and negative experiences, written on post-it notes. This Tuesday the notes will be emptied out of the box and burned in a ceremony to leave those burdens behind. Those of us that participate in the ceremony will burn incense sticks and recite the words to the ceremony together as our symbolized negative experiences turn to ashes. The saved ashes will be made into paint used to create art works symbolizing the kid’s power and hope in the future.

Here is how the ceremony will go:

- This part is read by the kids as I empty the papers into the container and light the fire:

We believe that life is a walking and that each day, each hour, each minute of our lives; we make the choice to walk forward or backward. The instant that we make the choice to walk forward we begin our journey towards a happier, healthier, more satisfying way of life.

Today we gather in a ceremony to release our regrets and the negative things that hinder us in our journey to happiness. We will purge these things from our lives with the power of fire.

- Then I read this part:

We will now turn our backs to the fire, take a few moments to feel the release of our burdens, and then turn back towards each other to complete the ceremony in unity.

- After everyone is facing each other I will close the ceremony:

As the burden of our regrets and negative happenings turn to ashes, let us walk forward, in search of our true selves, in search of our awakenings.

I am Chaparral Sunrise, and I have spoken.


P.S. Here is an example of a remembrance bracelet:

Awakenings 3

The awakenings group is evolving and progressing well. We’ve been tackling some difficult subjects, creating art, and celebrating our awakenings through ceremony.

Some of the topics that we’ve discussed in the past couple of weeks:

- Secrets of the Mind. An exploration of our brains where we learn about the way that our emotions affect our visual perception. We do fun experiments to illustrate visual blind spots that lead into a discussion of how our brains fill in our blind spots with sometimes inaccurate data.

- Merchants of Cool. Video presentation with discussion on the topic of what cool is and how the media exploits teens by taking their original ideas of what cool is, re-packaging it, and selling it back to them. Discussion of the media’s image of popular and cool and how different that is from reality. Discussion of how they can find their own sources of cool by turning to underground sources of music, art, and style, and refusing to buy into the mainstream.

- Dying to be Thin. Video presentation with discussion on the topic of eating disorders and body image. We talked about the difference between the media’s ideal body and the average woman’s body. Also discussed how the constant barrage of unrealistic images affects our esteem and eating habits.

The kids are now giving the new admits their awakening names as they come in so they have the opportunity to be on both ends of the ceremonial experience. It’s been interesting to me to see how seriously some of the kids take the task of picking out their peer’s names.

We’ve also started making “remembrance bracelets”. Kids get to pick from a variety of leather and then choose a special ornamental bead that represents their awakening name. As they have awakenings and share them with me or with the group they choose new beads to add to their bracelets. The beads help them to be cognizant of their transformation as they progress. The bracelets are quite beautiful and inexpensive and the kids love them. Some of them have told me that they’ll keep them forever!

Coming soon:

Culture Jamming: Discussion of how to create individualism and to fight against the onslaught of advertising and false reality in the media. They will make counter- advertisements that proclaim positive messages or spoof advertising that makes fun of advertisements designed to lure in teens.

Punk Rock Week: A study of punk rock culture/music and the attitude and ideas behind it. Exploration of non-conformity and individualism.

As you can probably tell, one of my underlying themes for the group is the idea of identity formation. So many of these kids have no sense of identity, values, or culture. They are miserably trying to fit into the clichés that have been provided for them by the mainstream and the result is a lack of satisfaction that leads to depression, gang affiliation, drug use, suicide, anorexia, etc.

My hope is that they will find something and make it their own, that they will awaken to the inner beauty that is waiting to become manifest. I hope that they can identify with something positive that propels them into their possibilities.

Awakenings 2

Tonight’s fire circle was a great success and the kids were quiet and attentive throughout. The names they came up with were beautiful and I was touched by the depth of thought that some of them put into it. One name that particularly struck me was “Neaveh" - (heaven spelled backward). I was overcome when this sometimes difficult young lady explained what this name implied and how it inspired her to live a life free from substance and full of family! Tomorrow they get to paint a symbolic representation of their awakening names and come up with “clan” names to replace the tiresome Team A, Team B… that we normally use.

The following is our group statement that we read at the beginning of each group and then quickly share our recent awakenings to reinforce the emphasis of the group:

Awakenings

Awakenings: Recognizing blind spots in our lives and making changes in our thinking and actions that lead us to a happier, healthier, more satisfying way of life.

Group Statement:

In the tradition of the ancient Navajo people, life is called a “walking.” As we walk through life, according to our agency, we can make right or wrong choices, choosing to walk forwards or backwards. Our “walking” determines the condition of our heart; forwards or backwards it is we who choose…nobody walks for us.

We will come together in search of ourselves, in search of our awakenings. By being real and vulnerable, by sharing our feelings, our dreams, and our hopes, we will strengthen each other, gaining friendship and self-understanding. To provide safety and privacy for each member of the group, what we see here, what we say here, what we hear here, let it stay here.

There is only one rule in this group:

Members of the group, and staff, will show respect for one another.

I should acknowledge that I borrowed the part about the walking out of the Anasazi Trailwalker Guide.

I’m still putting the call out to all of you lovely readers that might have ideas or thoughts on this group. I’m also looking for guest speakers to come and help touch the hearts of these kids through your talents. If you could contribute in any way I promise you a rewarding experience. Thanks to those that have already given me some ideas and thanks to all of you for inspiring me with your lives.

Awakenings

This is the name that I’ve given the therapeutic group that I’m leading. For our first meeting we had an Anasazi fire circle… in a lockdown facility.

In the dark room that is usually full of dirty plastic tables and chairs lit by the harsh glare of fluorescent lights we communed by the soft glow of a bundle of Christmas lights wrapped in a white sheet in the center of our circle. They were invited by the tribal music playing softly in the background and a small bit of chocolate that we passed around. The darkness hid the ugly green rehab mattresses that we sat on as I spoke the sacred Legend of the Breezes to my circle of young friends. As we discussed the meaning of the legend we used the hand made talking stick to help maintain respect for the speaker and something amazing happened.

These young hearts were vulnerable and real. They opened up. They forgot about being tough, cool, shy, or funny. It is a rare thing to see and a joy to experience.

People’s hearts opened, their beauty unfolding before us. I felt the long absent spirit of ceremony in my heart. Afterwards I felt exhilarated and terrified. This is only the beginning; can I maintain this? I don’t know. What I do know is that it can happen and I want more of it so much that I feel driven to do whatever it takes to facilitate this experience regularly. I’ve had some great teachers at my facility and at Anasazi. I’m ready, I’m making it happen.

Tomorrow we will have our second fire circle and we will perform a name ceremony for each group member. The names are based on symbols, animals, colors, plants, etc, of their choosing that represent their personal strengths.

I’m calling out to the universe to bring the awakenings to my beautiful young friends…and to me.

Book Review - Peculiar People

Peculiar People: Mormons and Same-Sex Orientation, Edited by Ron Schow, Wayne Schow, and Marybeth Raynes

I just finished this excellent book that deals with the difficult subject of homosexuality and Latter Day Saints. It provides a massive amount of information from the perspectives of religion, science, gay and lesbian people, and their families. It also contains anecdotes from LDS Bishops and therapists on their experiences with homosexuality.

I highly recommend this book for anyone who has grappled with this subject in any way.

Lowell L. Bennion wrote the foreword to the book, which I will provide because it gives a great synopsis of the content and purpose of the book. Bennion is also somewhat of a legend in the Church for his devotion to charitable action. I googled him and found him to be an inspiring L.D. Saint.

Lowell Bennion holds a Ph.D from the University of Strasbourg, France. He served as director of the LDS Institute of Religion adjacent to the University of Utah for twenty-six years and as a professor of sociology at the university. He is a founder and past director of Salt Lake City’s charitable Community Services Council.

“Among many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints homosexuality is regarded as disgraceful, and those engaging in homosexual acts who do not repent have often been excommunicated.
   It can be a jarring experience for LDS persons to have a son or daughter, a spouse, a sibling, or a friend, one who has been active in their church and who seems to be living a normal life, confess to them that he or she is homosexual and has been throughout life. The confessing person may further tell them of trying in every way to overcome his or her homosexuality through prayers, counseling, and sometimes even more drastic treatments, such as electric shock therapy, to no avail. Such revelations may be all the more surprising if as so often happens his or her life has been characterized by exemplary religious faith and service.
   This book came into being because Ron Schow, Wayne Schow, and Marybeth Raynes had witnessed either in friends or offspring or clients the dilemma of the Mormon homosexual in our midst. They recognized their own lack of understanding and need for more information. They sought not merely a theoretical, scientific view, but especially a human perspective-how Mormon homosexuals feel about themselves, how they get along with their families and associates both in the church and in society. Above all they were interested in the challenge of creating a better climate of understanding and tolerance for homosexual people.
   Peculiar People: Mormons and Same-Sex Orientation begins with personal accounts of homosexuality, how individuals have reacted to this condition, how they have tried unsuccessfully to change, how they have sought desperately to make troubled marriages work, how they have struggled to maintain their religious faith. These personal accounts are followed by the experiences of family members and friends in their relationships with homosexuals. The book concludes with the findings of professionals interested in the scientific study of human sexuality. They are convinced that homosexuality is complex in origin. Some of them believe that there is evidence to support the conclusion that a genetic or biological basis contributes to the sexual orientation of an individual. If this is true, it explains why homosexuals find change so difficult, and it obliges us to evaluate anew our attitudes towards gays and lesbians.
   The editors are to be commended for their labors and their willingness to share their feelings and information.”

I particularly enjoyed the personal essays written by homosexuals and their families. It was inspiring to witness their love for the Church and for each other and to see how people’s views are capable of transforming when they’re dealing with an issue on a personal level. This book is written for LDS people by predominately active LDS writers and that makes it even more compelling to me. These aren’t wacko left wing inactive heretics; I can actually relate to their stories.

This book can be found on Amazon.com and most other book sellers sites. If you’re interested, give it a read and let me know your thoughts.

Fortuitousness

Call it accidental, call it lucky, call it a blessing, or call it destiny, I’m just glad it happened.

Audrey quit her job.

And I get to fill the position!

In the last few months, I’ve had several opportunities to substitute as a group leader at work. I didn’t really enjoy it at first, mostly because it was sprung on me at the last minute, but the more I did it, the more I liked it. I found a venue to talk to the kids from my heart about things that really matter to me, rather than mostly telling them what to do or what to stop doing. I found an opportunity to appeal to their souls and I could feel it happening. About a month ago I started thinking that I’d like to be a group leader and it’s time now.

As I prepare, I feel a spiritual excitement that I’ve been missing in my life for some time. The idea of infecting young minds with a little bit of my personal philosophy that could change the course of their lives is powerful. Many of you have had this experience through formal teaching jobs, parenting, etc. and I'm beginning to understand why you do it.

I’m going to create something extraordinary out of this opportunity. I want to facilitate groups with an opportunity for the kind of magical happenings that I’ve experienced with many of you. I want to have fun, interesting groups where minds turn on, hearts open, and souls get stirred. I know this is a lofty goal with adolescents, but my predecessors Audrey and Emily pulled it off, and I will too.

I want to challenge any of you that want to contribute to helping kids that come from some pretty awful, unloving circumstances, to give me your ideas and your hearts. I have the freedom to come up with my own groups and I want your brilliant ideas. The groups consist of 5 to 15 kids, sometimes boys and girls are mixed, but they’re separate most of the time. Groups last for about 50 min. and can involve art, science, media, and topics related to mental health, and addiction. I officially start next Fri. so I can use your ideas immediately.