I found this article interesting - I wonder if I shouldn't spend more time building and maintaining relationships with friends... it's just so hard. Between school, work, and the time I set aside for Dani, it seems like there just isn't any time left over for much more than a quick e-mail or phone call.
Anyone have thoughts on this???
November 7, 2006
Too Close for Comfort
By STEPHANIE COONTZ
Olympia, Wash.
EVER since the Census Bureau released figures last month showing that married-couple households are now a minority, my phone has been ringing off the hook with calls from people asking: “How can we save marriage? How can we make Americans understand that marriage is the most significant emotional connection they will ever make, the one place to find social support and personal fulfillment?”
I think these are the wrong questions — indeed, such questions would have been almost unimaginable through most of history. It has only been in the last century that Americans have put all their emotional eggs in the basket of coupled love. Because of this change, many of us have found joys in marriage our great-great-grandparents never did. But we have also neglected our other relationships, placing too many burdens on a fragile institution and making social life poorer in the process.
A study released this year showed just how dependent we’ve become on marriage. Three sociologists at the University of Arizona and Duke University found that from 1985 to 2004 Americans reported a marked decline in the number of people with whom they discussed meaningful matters. People reported fewer close relationships with co-workers, extended family members, neighbors and friends. The only close relationship where more people said they discussed important matters in 2004 than in 1985 was marriage.
In fact, the number of people who depended totally on a spouse for important conversations, with no other person to turn to, almost doubled, to 9.4 percent from 5 percent. Not surprisingly, the number of people saying they didn’t have anyone in whom they confided nearly tripled.
The solution to this isolation is not to ramp up our emotional dependence on marriage. Until 100 years ago, most societies agreed that it was dangerously antisocial, even pathologically self-absorbed, to elevate marital affection and nuclear-family ties above commitments to neighbors, extended kin, civic duty and religion.
St. Paul complained that married men were more concerned with pleasing their wives than pleasing God. In John Adams’s view, a “passion for the public good” was “superior to all private passions.” In both England and America, moralists bewailed “excessive” married love, which encouraged “men and women to be always taken up with each other.”
From medieval days until the early 19th century, diaries and letters more often used the word love to refer to neighbors, cousins and fellow church members than to spouses. When honeymoons first gained favor in the 19th century, couples often took along relatives or friends for company. Victorian novels and diaries were as passionate about brother-sister relationships and same-sex friendships as about marital ties.
The Victorian refusal to acknowledge strong sexual desires among respectable men and women gave people a wider outlet for intense emotions, including physical touch, than we see today. Men wrote matter-of-factly about retiring to bed with a male roommate, “and in each other’s arms did friendship sink peacefully to sleep.” Upright Victorian matrons thought nothing of kicking their husbands out of bed when a female friend came to visit. They spent the night kissing, hugging and pouring out their innermost thoughts.
By the early 20th century, though, the sea change in the culture wrought by the industrial economy had loosened social obligations to neighbors and kin, giving rise to the idea that individuals could meet their deepest needs only through romantic love, culminating in marriage. Under the influence of Freudianism, society began to view intense same-sex ties with suspicion and people were urged to reject the emotional claims of friends and relatives who might compete with a spouse for time and affection.
The insistence that marriage and parenthood could satisfy all an individual’s needs reached a peak in the cult of “togetherness” among middle-class suburban Americans in the 1950s. Women were told that marriage and motherhood offered them complete fulfillment. Men were encouraged to let their wives take care of their social lives.
But many men and women found these prescriptions stifling. Women who entered the work force in the 1960s joyfully rediscovered social contacts and friendships outside the home.
“It was so stimulating to have real conversations with other people,” a woman who lived through this period told me, “to go out after work with friends from the office or to have people over other than my husband’s boss or our parents.”
And women’s lead in overturning the cult of 1950s marriage inspired many men to rediscover what earlier generations of men had taken for granted — that men need deep emotional connections with other men, not just their wives. Researchers soon found that men and women with confidants beyond the nuclear family were mentally and physically healthier than people who relied on just one other individual for emotional intimacy and support.
So why do we seem to be slipping back in this regard? It is not because most people have voluntarily embraced nuclear-family isolation. Indeed, the spread of “virtual” communities on the Internet speaks to a deep hunger to reach out to others.
Instead, it’s the expansion of the post-industrial economy that seems to be driving us back to a new dependence on marriage. According to the researchers Kathleen Gerson and Jerry Jacobs, 60 percent of American married couples have both partners in the work force, up from 36 percent in 1970, and the average two-earner couple now works 82 hours a week.
This is probably why the time Americans spend socializing with others off the job has declined by almost 25 percent since 1965. Their free hours are spent with spouses, and as a study by Suzanne Bianchi of the University of Maryland released last month showed, with their children — mothers and fathers today spend even more time with their youngsters than parents did 40 years ago.
As Americans lose the wider face-to-face ties that build social trust, they become more dependent on romantic relationships for intimacy and deep communication, and more vulnerable to isolation if a relationship breaks down. In some cases we even cause the breakdown by loading the relationship with too many expectations. Marriage is generally based on more equality and deeper friendship than in the past, but even so, it is hard for it to compensate for the way that work has devoured time once spent cultivating friendships.
The solution is not to revive the failed marital experiment of the 1950s, as so many commentators noting the decline in married-couple households seem to want. Nor is it to lower our expectations that we’ll find fulfillment and friendship in marriage.
Instead, we should raise our expectations for, and commitment to, other relationships, especially since so many people now live so much of their lives outside marriage. Paradoxically, we can strengthen our marriages the most by not expecting them to be our sole refuge from the pressures of the modern work force. Instead we need to restructure both work and social life so we can reach out and build ties with others, including people who are single or divorced. That indeed would be a return to marital tradition — not the 1950s model, but the pre-20th-century model that has a much more enduring pedi- gree.
Stephanie Coontz, a history professor at Evergreen State College, is the author of “Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage.”
Wednesday, November 8, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
The Bride and Groom
I was amazed at their beauty. It was hard not to get sucked into the love vortex that was swirling around them as they gazed into each other’s eyes and danced and played together. 
I'm so happy for these two. They've been coming closer and closer for a long time and it's a beautiful thing to see them together! Congratulations - I love you Forrest and Kaarina!!!
I'm so happy for these two. They've been coming closer and closer for a long time and it's a beautiful thing to see them together! Congratulations - I love you Forrest and Kaarina!!!
Kaarina and Forrest’s Wedding
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Ask a Ninja
Take a look at this to have some fun and to inform yourself about Net Neutrality:
http://www.askaninja.com/news/2006/05/11/ask-a-ninja-special-delivery-4-net-neutrality?a=8.
http://www.askaninja.com/news/2006/05/11/ask-a-ninja-special-delivery-4-net-neutrality?a=8.
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
What Does Love Mean?
This came in an e-mail from Anasazi advertising an Arbinger seminar and I liked it:
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. Billy answered in this way:
*******************
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
************
It is amazing that at 4 years old Billy's hearing is so fine-tuned that he senses this profound difference. Think back a moment to your youth while in the presence of someone who treasured you. What is it like hearing your name safe in their mouth? Can you still feel the joy, sweetness or possibly the warmth in your heart?
What would it be like for each person in our day to day life to feel that safety with us? The more we come to honor and respect each person, the more joy will be present in our lives.
Monday, May 1, 2006
Say NO! to corporate control of the Internet
This letter that I received is about a very important issue to me. Check it out and act on it if you agree with me.
Do you buy books online, use Google, or download to an iPod? Everything we do online will be hurt if Congress passes a radical law next week that gives giant corporations more control over what we do and see on the Internet.
Internet providers like AT&T are lobbying Congress hard to gut Network Neutrality--the Internet's First Amendment and the key to Internet freedom. Net Neutrality prevents AT&T from choosing which websites open most easily for you based on which site pays AT&T more. BarnesandNoble.com doesn't have to outbid Amazon for the right to work properly on your computer.
If Net Neutrality is gutted, many sites--including Google, eBay, and iTunes--must either pay protection money to companies like AT&T or risk having their websites process slowly. That why these high-tech pioneers, plus diverse groups ranging from MoveOn to Gun Owners of America, are opposing Congress' effort to gut Internet freedom.
You can do your part today--can you sign this petition telling your member of Congress to preserve Internet freedom? Click here:
http://www.civic.moveon.org/save_the_internet?track_referer=706%7C5012924-VPU16fPLcotllg2EcRpZlQ
I signed this petition, along with 250,000 others so far. This petiton will be delivered to Congress before the House of Representatives votes next week. When you sign, you'll be kept informed of the next steps we can take to keep the heat on Congress.
Snopes.com, which monitors various causes that circulate on the Internet, explained:
Simply put, network neutrality means that no web site's traffic has precedence over any other's...Whether a user searches for recipes using Google, reads an article on snopes.com, or looks at a friend's MySpace profile, all of that data is treated equally and delivered from the originating web site to the user's web browser with the same priority. In recent months, however, some of the telephone and cable companies that control the telecommunications networks over which Internet data flows have floated the idea of creating the electronic equivalent of a paid carpool lane.
If companies like AT&T have their way, Web sites ranging from Google to eBay to iTunes either pay protection money to get into the "fast lane" or risk opening slowly on your computer. We can't let the Internet--this incredible medium which has been such a revolutionary force for democratic participation, economic innovation, and free speech--become captive to large corporations.
Politicians don't think we are paying attention to this issue. Together, we do care about preserving the free and open Internet.
Please sign this petition letting your member of Congress know you support preserving Internet freedom. Click here:
http://www.civic.moveon.org/save_the_internet?track_referer=706%7C5012924-VPU16fPLcotllg2EcRpZlQ
Do you buy books online, use Google, or download to an iPod? Everything we do online will be hurt if Congress passes a radical law next week that gives giant corporations more control over what we do and see on the Internet.
Internet providers like AT&T are lobbying Congress hard to gut Network Neutrality--the Internet's First Amendment and the key to Internet freedom. Net Neutrality prevents AT&T from choosing which websites open most easily for you based on which site pays AT&T more. BarnesandNoble.com doesn't have to outbid Amazon for the right to work properly on your computer.
If Net Neutrality is gutted, many sites--including Google, eBay, and iTunes--must either pay protection money to companies like AT&T or risk having their websites process slowly. That why these high-tech pioneers, plus diverse groups ranging from MoveOn to Gun Owners of America, are opposing Congress' effort to gut Internet freedom.
You can do your part today--can you sign this petition telling your member of Congress to preserve Internet freedom? Click here:
http://www.civic.moveon.org/save_the_internet?track_referer=706%7C5012924-VPU16fPLcotllg2EcRpZlQ
I signed this petition, along with 250,000 others so far. This petiton will be delivered to Congress before the House of Representatives votes next week. When you sign, you'll be kept informed of the next steps we can take to keep the heat on Congress.
Snopes.com, which monitors various causes that circulate on the Internet, explained:
Simply put, network neutrality means that no web site's traffic has precedence over any other's...Whether a user searches for recipes using Google, reads an article on snopes.com, or looks at a friend's MySpace profile, all of that data is treated equally and delivered from the originating web site to the user's web browser with the same priority. In recent months, however, some of the telephone and cable companies that control the telecommunications networks over which Internet data flows have floated the idea of creating the electronic equivalent of a paid carpool lane.
If companies like AT&T have their way, Web sites ranging from Google to eBay to iTunes either pay protection money to get into the "fast lane" or risk opening slowly on your computer. We can't let the Internet--this incredible medium which has been such a revolutionary force for democratic participation, economic innovation, and free speech--become captive to large corporations.
Politicians don't think we are paying attention to this issue. Together, we do care about preserving the free and open Internet.
Please sign this petition letting your member of Congress know you support preserving Internet freedom. Click here:
http://www.civic.moveon.org/save_the_internet?track_referer=706%7C5012924-VPU16fPLcotllg2EcRpZlQ
Friday, March 24, 2006
Milk Really Does Suck!
Dairy lover’s: I’m sorry to spoil the fantasy that our tasty dairy products (hey, I love ice cream, cheese, and biscuits and gravy of course, too) are nutritious, forgive me for being a spoiler, but I think this is one of the biggest hoaxes played on the American people. Props to my Mom who has taught me this since I was a kid, making me the subject of derision whenever I brought it up to anyone. Mom, looks like you were right!
I decided to post this since I’ve had a couple of debates about whether milk has any viable health benefits recently. We were discussing it at work since we teach the nearly worthless food pyramid to the kids as a nutritional guide and as you will see with a minimal amount of research milk does NOT do a body good.
Yep, you heard right. Milk is not only not good for you, it poses serious health risks to you, especially if you’re a woman. Read more about it at milksucks.com or notmilk.com. There are many links to scientific research from reputable sources on both sites.
Harvard School of Public Health, on the Consumption of Dairy Products (2005): “The recommendation to drink three glasses of low-fat milk or eat three servings of other dairy products per day to prevent osteoporosis is another step in the wrong direction. … Three glasses of low-fat milk add more than 300 calories a day. This is a real issue for the millions of Americans who are trying to control their weight. What's more, millions of Americans are lactose intolerant, and even small amounts of milk or dairy products give them stomachaches, gas, or other problems. This recommendation ignores the lack of evidence for a link between consumption of dairy products and prevention of osteoporosis. It also ignores the possible increases in risk of ovarian cancer and prostate cancer associated with dairy products.”
New Job! Whoops, no new job.
This post was originally going to be the announcement of my new job working with James and Gage for Cascadia, out at the men’s prison.
It was going to be an expression of grief at the loss of my job leading the Awakenings group and my excitement about the new prospect of a job that would offer more money, the CADC (certified alcohol and drug counselor) classes that I want to take, a daytime work schedule, and a fantastic benefits package.
The decision to leave my current position was difficult and was based more on logic than my heart. I didn’t really want to do it, but my friends that work at Cascadia patiently persuaded me that it would be a great opportunity for me, so I put in my resume figuring I would leave it up to fate. If I got the job I’d quit, if not I’d stay.
Well, I was hired, put in my two weeks at Northwest and began working out a school schedule that would work with the new job. I had my orientation on Mon. of this week, came home and called my new employer to get my schedule. Here’s how that conversation went:
“Hi Matt, I’m calling to find out when I can come in and start work.”
“Well Paul, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I just came out of a meeting with my team where I had to tell them that the state has cut our funding and our program will be shut down. I know this kind of leaves you in limbo and I’m really sorry, there is a chance that we could find you something else in our company but no one really knows what’s happening right now.”
I ended the conversation and sat in shock for a few minutes and then I made a decision to try to keep my current job. Luckily, they were open to that idea and we‘ve worked out a new schedule so I can attend school and my CADC classes (although I have to pay for them).
Today I should have been starting my first day of work at my new job and I’m thinking about why this happened and trying to sort out my feelings about it. I’m feeling a lot of excitement and re-commitment to the Awakenings group, I’m going to create some new groups and evolve the group through these next few months, and that inspires me. I can’t help but feel the loss of the opportunity to work for Cascadia and all of the included benefits. I was really looking forward to working with James and Gage and starting to have a little more of a social life since I’d be working days instead of swing.
I was feeling that sense of loss at work yesterday but I was calmed at the end of the day as I sat talking to one of the clients that I’ve connected with. Realizing that I get to play some part in the lives of those beautiful, young, souls and I get to hear their ideas and their awakenings every day makes me feel like it’s OK and I’m where I’m supposed to be.
It was going to be an expression of grief at the loss of my job leading the Awakenings group and my excitement about the new prospect of a job that would offer more money, the CADC (certified alcohol and drug counselor) classes that I want to take, a daytime work schedule, and a fantastic benefits package.
The decision to leave my current position was difficult and was based more on logic than my heart. I didn’t really want to do it, but my friends that work at Cascadia patiently persuaded me that it would be a great opportunity for me, so I put in my resume figuring I would leave it up to fate. If I got the job I’d quit, if not I’d stay.
Well, I was hired, put in my two weeks at Northwest and began working out a school schedule that would work with the new job. I had my orientation on Mon. of this week, came home and called my new employer to get my schedule. Here’s how that conversation went:
“Hi Matt, I’m calling to find out when I can come in and start work.”
“Well Paul, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I just came out of a meeting with my team where I had to tell them that the state has cut our funding and our program will be shut down. I know this kind of leaves you in limbo and I’m really sorry, there is a chance that we could find you something else in our company but no one really knows what’s happening right now.”
I ended the conversation and sat in shock for a few minutes and then I made a decision to try to keep my current job. Luckily, they were open to that idea and we‘ve worked out a new schedule so I can attend school and my CADC classes (although I have to pay for them).
Today I should have been starting my first day of work at my new job and I’m thinking about why this happened and trying to sort out my feelings about it. I’m feeling a lot of excitement and re-commitment to the Awakenings group, I’m going to create some new groups and evolve the group through these next few months, and that inspires me. I can’t help but feel the loss of the opportunity to work for Cascadia and all of the included benefits. I was really looking forward to working with James and Gage and starting to have a little more of a social life since I’d be working days instead of swing.
I was feeling that sense of loss at work yesterday but I was calmed at the end of the day as I sat talking to one of the clients that I’ve connected with. Realizing that I get to play some part in the lives of those beautiful, young, souls and I get to hear their ideas and their awakenings every day makes me feel like it’s OK and I’m where I’m supposed to be.
Thursday, March 2, 2006
About 30 years late!
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Matisyahu
The kids I work with turned me on to this incredible reggae/rap music. I have found it extremely uplifting and spiritual, a rarity in music these days. It’s also soothingly listenable and very upbeat. I highly recommend the “Live at Stubbs” album. Here’s the Bio from the band’s website:
Torah food for my brain let it rain til I drown, Thunder! Let the blessings come down!—"King Without a Crown" by Matisyahu
Matisyahu Miller, vocals/beatboxJonah David, drumsAaron Dugan, guitarJosh Werner, bass
Matthew Miller was born in West Chester, Pennsylvania on June 30th 1979, corresponding to the Jewish date of the 5th of Tamuz 5740. Shortly after his birth, the Miller family moved to Berkeley, CA and eventually settled in White Plains, NY. Growing up, Matisyahu's parents sent him to Hebrew School a couple of times a week, but like many kids, he resisted the additional school hours and was frequently threatened with expulsion for disrupting the lessons.By the age of 14, Matthew Miller slid comfortably into the laid-back lifestyle of a teenage hippie. Having fallen in with the "Dead-Head" crowd, he grew dreadlocks and wore his Birkenstocks all winter long. He played his bongos in the lunchroom and learned how to beat-box in the back of class. By 11th grade, despite his carefree days, Matisyahu couldn't ignore the void in his life. After nearly burning down his chemistry class, he knew his mission must begin immediately. He decided to set off on a camping trip in Colorado. Away from his suburban life in White Plains, Matisyahu had the opportunity to take an introspective look at himself and contemplate his environment. It was there in the awe-inspiring landscape of the Rocky Mountain's, that Matisyahu had an eye-opening realization: there is a G-d. After Colorado, his spiritual curiosity piqued and Matisyahu took his first trip to Israel. There, for the first time in his life, he felt a connection to the G-d he discovered in Colorado. Israel was a major turning point. Matisyahu relished the time he spent there, praying, exploring, and dancing in Jerusalem. In every nook he encountered, his dormant Jewish identity stirred into consciousness. Leaving Israel proved to be a difficult transition. Once back in White Plains, Matisyahu didn't know how to maintain his new connection with Judaism. Feeling dejected, he fatefully dropped out of high school and began following Phish on a national tour. On the road, Matisyahu thought seriously about his life, his music, and his thirst for Judaism.After a few months, burnt out and broke, he returned home. By this time his parents insisted that Matisyahu go and "straighten" himself out at a wilderness school in Bend, Oregon. The school encouraged artistic pursuits and Matisyahu took advantage of this time to delve further into his music. He studied up on reggae and hip-hop. He attended a weekly open-mic where he rapped, sang, beat-boxed, and did almost anything he could to stay creatively charged. It was then that he started to develop the unique reggae-hip hop sound for which he would one day become known. After 2 years in the "sticks," the 19-year old Matisyahu returned to New York a changed man. He moved to the city to attend The New School where he continued honing his musical craft, and also dabbled in the theater. During this time, he happened on the Carlebach Shul, a synagogue on the Upper West Side, well known for its hippie-friendly vibe and exuberant singing. This encounter further fueled his soul-fire, turning him on to the mystical power of song in Hasidic Judaism. Now, instead of beat boxing in the back of the classroom, he was leaving the classroom to pray on the school's roof. (Religious or not, this guy ain't made for the classrooms.) While studying at New School, Matisyahu wrote a play entitled "Echad" (One). The play was about a boy who meets a Hasidic rabbi in Washington Square Park and through him becomes religious. Shortly after the play's performance, Matisyahu's life strangely imitated his art. Indeed, years after the initial sparks were lit, Matisyahu met a Lubavitch rabbi in the park, spurring his transformation from Matthew to Matisyahu. A person who was once skeptical of authority and rules, Matisyahu began to explore and eventually fully take on the Lubavitch Hasidic lifestyle. He thrived on the discipline and structure of Judaism, making every attempt to abide by Jewish Law. The Chabad-Lubavitch philosophy proved to be a powerful guide for Matisyahu. It surrounded him with the spiritual dialogue and intellectual challenge he had been seeking for the past decade. The turmoil and frustration of his search subsided, and now, 2 years later, Matisyahu lives in Crown Heights, splitting his time between the stage and his yeshiva. Combining the sounds of Bob Marley and Shlomo Carlebach, yet remaining wholly original, Matisyahu's performance is an uplifting, powerful experience for all in his presence. Even the most pessimistic in his audience is inspired by his ability to so honestly convey such a delicate, topic as faith/spirituality. It is his dedication to his belief and openness to others that compels one to respect his artistry and message. It's in that fleeting moment when our skepticism melts and our souls open up, that Matisyahu enters with his booming sound of faith.
An example of lyrics from the song Warrior:
You're a warrior fighting for your soul
Taken from the world above and brought down the world below
You're the son of his majesty
Remember how it used to be
In the light of day it's easy to see
Now it's nighttime
You had to leave
Separated from the king
Now the water's rushing and you keep trying to swim against the stream
And it seems, like your not moving the many water's gushing you gasp for air
Almost drowning ears ringing, once upon a time we were singing
One day the trees will stand and clap hands
Stream of thought getting caught in the klipa, this place is just a shell, external
Egos swell, that one'll burn ya, we fell a long way down, that eternal frown'll get you
You look vexed it's the dregs, the yetzer hara's lurking
Trying to make you forget we got a job to do
You're a priest and a prince and you can't be moved
Chorus:
You're a warrior,
Fighting for your soul
Taken from a world above, and brought down to a world below
Re-united, re-united return the princess to the king,
Re-united, re-united, she's been taken for so long
Re-united, re-united and then she'll be filled with joy
Re-united, re-united like the days of her youth
Descended to the pit
What's this feeling can't get rid of it
Soul sick
Can't seem to shake it
When one retires at night weeping, joy will come in the morning
You made my mountain stand strong
Chorus
Like and ancient memory
Remember how it used to be
Close your eyes and breath in
That's the scent of freedom
Ringing across the sea
Land of milk and honey
One day will wake up from this dream and we'll stop sleeping,
Oh, yo, then we'll see clearly
Chorus
Torah food for my brain let it rain til I drown, Thunder! Let the blessings come down!—"King Without a Crown" by Matisyahu
Matisyahu Miller, vocals/beatboxJonah David, drumsAaron Dugan, guitarJosh Werner, bass
Matthew Miller was born in West Chester, Pennsylvania on June 30th 1979, corresponding to the Jewish date of the 5th of Tamuz 5740. Shortly after his birth, the Miller family moved to Berkeley, CA and eventually settled in White Plains, NY. Growing up, Matisyahu's parents sent him to Hebrew School a couple of times a week, but like many kids, he resisted the additional school hours and was frequently threatened with expulsion for disrupting the lessons.By the age of 14, Matthew Miller slid comfortably into the laid-back lifestyle of a teenage hippie. Having fallen in with the "Dead-Head" crowd, he grew dreadlocks and wore his Birkenstocks all winter long. He played his bongos in the lunchroom and learned how to beat-box in the back of class. By 11th grade, despite his carefree days, Matisyahu couldn't ignore the void in his life. After nearly burning down his chemistry class, he knew his mission must begin immediately. He decided to set off on a camping trip in Colorado. Away from his suburban life in White Plains, Matisyahu had the opportunity to take an introspective look at himself and contemplate his environment. It was there in the awe-inspiring landscape of the Rocky Mountain's, that Matisyahu had an eye-opening realization: there is a G-d. After Colorado, his spiritual curiosity piqued and Matisyahu took his first trip to Israel. There, for the first time in his life, he felt a connection to the G-d he discovered in Colorado. Israel was a major turning point. Matisyahu relished the time he spent there, praying, exploring, and dancing in Jerusalem. In every nook he encountered, his dormant Jewish identity stirred into consciousness. Leaving Israel proved to be a difficult transition. Once back in White Plains, Matisyahu didn't know how to maintain his new connection with Judaism. Feeling dejected, he fatefully dropped out of high school and began following Phish on a national tour. On the road, Matisyahu thought seriously about his life, his music, and his thirst for Judaism.After a few months, burnt out and broke, he returned home. By this time his parents insisted that Matisyahu go and "straighten" himself out at a wilderness school in Bend, Oregon. The school encouraged artistic pursuits and Matisyahu took advantage of this time to delve further into his music. He studied up on reggae and hip-hop. He attended a weekly open-mic where he rapped, sang, beat-boxed, and did almost anything he could to stay creatively charged. It was then that he started to develop the unique reggae-hip hop sound for which he would one day become known. After 2 years in the "sticks," the 19-year old Matisyahu returned to New York a changed man. He moved to the city to attend The New School where he continued honing his musical craft, and also dabbled in the theater. During this time, he happened on the Carlebach Shul, a synagogue on the Upper West Side, well known for its hippie-friendly vibe and exuberant singing. This encounter further fueled his soul-fire, turning him on to the mystical power of song in Hasidic Judaism. Now, instead of beat boxing in the back of the classroom, he was leaving the classroom to pray on the school's roof. (Religious or not, this guy ain't made for the classrooms.) While studying at New School, Matisyahu wrote a play entitled "Echad" (One). The play was about a boy who meets a Hasidic rabbi in Washington Square Park and through him becomes religious. Shortly after the play's performance, Matisyahu's life strangely imitated his art. Indeed, years after the initial sparks were lit, Matisyahu met a Lubavitch rabbi in the park, spurring his transformation from Matthew to Matisyahu. A person who was once skeptical of authority and rules, Matisyahu began to explore and eventually fully take on the Lubavitch Hasidic lifestyle. He thrived on the discipline and structure of Judaism, making every attempt to abide by Jewish Law. The Chabad-Lubavitch philosophy proved to be a powerful guide for Matisyahu. It surrounded him with the spiritual dialogue and intellectual challenge he had been seeking for the past decade. The turmoil and frustration of his search subsided, and now, 2 years later, Matisyahu lives in Crown Heights, splitting his time between the stage and his yeshiva. Combining the sounds of Bob Marley and Shlomo Carlebach, yet remaining wholly original, Matisyahu's performance is an uplifting, powerful experience for all in his presence. Even the most pessimistic in his audience is inspired by his ability to so honestly convey such a delicate, topic as faith/spirituality. It is his dedication to his belief and openness to others that compels one to respect his artistry and message. It's in that fleeting moment when our skepticism melts and our souls open up, that Matisyahu enters with his booming sound of faith.
An example of lyrics from the song Warrior:
You're a warrior fighting for your soul
Taken from the world above and brought down the world below
You're the son of his majesty
Remember how it used to be
In the light of day it's easy to see
Now it's nighttime
You had to leave
Separated from the king
Now the water's rushing and you keep trying to swim against the stream
And it seems, like your not moving the many water's gushing you gasp for air
Almost drowning ears ringing, once upon a time we were singing
One day the trees will stand and clap hands
Stream of thought getting caught in the klipa, this place is just a shell, external
Egos swell, that one'll burn ya, we fell a long way down, that eternal frown'll get you
You look vexed it's the dregs, the yetzer hara's lurking
Trying to make you forget we got a job to do
You're a priest and a prince and you can't be moved
Chorus:
You're a warrior,
Fighting for your soul
Taken from a world above, and brought down to a world below
Re-united, re-united return the princess to the king,
Re-united, re-united, she's been taken for so long
Re-united, re-united and then she'll be filled with joy
Re-united, re-united like the days of her youth
Descended to the pit
What's this feeling can't get rid of it
Soul sick
Can't seem to shake it
When one retires at night weeping, joy will come in the morning
You made my mountain stand strong
Chorus
Like and ancient memory
Remember how it used to be
Close your eyes and breath in
That's the scent of freedom
Ringing across the sea
Land of milk and honey
One day will wake up from this dream and we'll stop sleeping,
Oh, yo, then we'll see clearly
Chorus
Monday, February 6, 2006
Gammi's 90th Birthday Party
A few weeks ago Pete and I traveled out to Utah to celebrate my Grandma's (Gammi) 90th. We had a great time seeing family and playing with our nieces and our new nephew. Miraculously, everyone got along and we enjoyed reminiscing about good times that we had with Gammi. We also heard stories about our ancestors and saw old pictures that we hadn't seen before.
Almost our whole family. Dee Dee's husband, Jared, was trying to keep up with McKenna (she was having a blast running around) so they didn't make it into the picture.
Gammi when she was little. (above)
I think (my niece)McKenna looks a lot like Gammi in this picture.
Gammi's still beautiful at ninety, but she was a hottie back in the day.
Gammi, with my Mom and Uncle Charles, then and now!
Amy and Lainey (left), Amy's daughter, Talia (below)
My sisters, Dee Dee and Amy
Pete entertaining Dee Dee's daughter, Alyssa
Dee Dee's daughter, Savannah (above) and Lainey (below)
Gammi and her great granddaughters
Pete being a funnyhead with his nieces (above). Punch and cake are good, yeah? (below)
Almost our whole family. Dee Dee's husband, Jared, was trying to keep up with McKenna (she was having a blast running around) so they didn't make it into the picture.
Gammi when she was little. (above)
I think (my niece)McKenna looks a lot like Gammi in this picture.
Gammi's still beautiful at ninety, but she was a hottie back in the day.
Gammi, with my Mom and Uncle Charles, then and now!
Amy and Lainey (left), Amy's daughter, Talia (below)
My sisters, Dee Dee and Amy
Pete entertaining Dee Dee's daughter, Alyssa
Dee Dee's daughter, Savannah (above) and Lainey (below)
Gammi and her great granddaughters
Pete being a funnyhead with his nieces (above). Punch and cake are good, yeah? (below)
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Burning Ceremony
A month or so ago Emily P. responded to my call for group ideas, giving me some great inspiration. One idea that immediately called out to me was performing a burning ceremony. Yesterday in Awakenings, we talked about regrets. We talked about how regrets affect us and we confessed a few of our regrets to each other. As you can imagine, there is a lot of regret in a lockdown facility.
We created a box, decorated with the kid’s Awakening names and symbols and we filled it with our regrets and negative experiences, written on post-it notes. This Tuesday the notes will be emptied out of the box and burned in a ceremony to leave those burdens behind. Those of us that participate in the ceremony will burn incense sticks and recite the words to the ceremony together as our symbolized negative experiences turn to ashes. The saved ashes will be made into paint used to create art works symbolizing the kid’s power and hope in the future.
Here is how the ceremony will go:
- This part is read by the kids as I empty the papers into the container and light the fire:
We believe that life is a walking and that each day, each hour, each minute of our lives; we make the choice to walk forward or backward. The instant that we make the choice to walk forward we begin our journey towards a happier, healthier, more satisfying way of life.
Today we gather in a ceremony to release our regrets and the negative things that hinder us in our journey to happiness. We will purge these things from our lives with the power of fire.
- Then I read this part:
We will now turn our backs to the fire, take a few moments to feel the release of our burdens, and then turn back towards each other to complete the ceremony in unity.
- After everyone is facing each other I will close the ceremony:
As the burden of our regrets and negative happenings turn to ashes, let us walk forward, in search of our true selves, in search of our awakenings.
I am Chaparral Sunrise, and I have spoken.
P.S. Here is an example of a remembrance bracelet:
Monday, January 16, 2006
Awakenings 3
The awakenings group is evolving and progressing well. We’ve been tackling some difficult subjects, creating art, and celebrating our awakenings through ceremony.
Some of the topics that we’ve discussed in the past couple of weeks:
- Secrets of the Mind. An exploration of our brains where we learn about the way that our emotions affect our visual perception. We do fun experiments to illustrate visual blind spots that lead into a discussion of how our brains fill in our blind spots with sometimes inaccurate data.
- Merchants of Cool. Video presentation with discussion on the topic of what cool is and how the media exploits teens by taking their original ideas of what cool is, re-packaging it, and selling it back to them. Discussion of the media’s image of popular and cool and how different that is from reality. Discussion of how they can find their own sources of cool by turning to underground sources of music, art, and style, and refusing to buy into the mainstream.
- Dying to be Thin. Video presentation with discussion on the topic of eating disorders and body image. We talked about the difference between the media’s ideal body and the average woman’s body. Also discussed how the constant barrage of unrealistic images affects our esteem and eating habits.
The kids are now giving the new admits their awakening names as they come in so they have the opportunity to be on both ends of the ceremonial experience. It’s been interesting to me to see how seriously some of the kids take the task of picking out their peer’s names.
We’ve also started making “remembrance bracelets”. Kids get to pick from a variety of leather and then choose a special ornamental bead that represents their awakening name. As they have awakenings and share them with me or with the group they choose new beads to add to their bracelets. The beads help them to be cognizant of their transformation as they progress. The bracelets are quite beautiful and inexpensive and the kids love them. Some of them have told me that they’ll keep them forever!
Coming soon:
Culture Jamming: Discussion of how to create individualism and to fight against the onslaught of advertising and false reality in the media. They will make counter- advertisements that proclaim positive messages or spoof advertising that makes fun of advertisements designed to lure in teens.
Punk Rock Week: A study of punk rock culture/music and the attitude and ideas behind it. Exploration of non-conformity and individualism.
As you can probably tell, one of my underlying themes for the group is the idea of identity formation. So many of these kids have no sense of identity, values, or culture. They are miserably trying to fit into the clichés that have been provided for them by the mainstream and the result is a lack of satisfaction that leads to depression, gang affiliation, drug use, suicide, anorexia, etc.
My hope is that they will find something and make it their own, that they will awaken to the inner beauty that is waiting to become manifest. I hope that they can identify with something positive that propels them into their possibilities.
Some of the topics that we’ve discussed in the past couple of weeks:
- Secrets of the Mind. An exploration of our brains where we learn about the way that our emotions affect our visual perception. We do fun experiments to illustrate visual blind spots that lead into a discussion of how our brains fill in our blind spots with sometimes inaccurate data.
- Merchants of Cool. Video presentation with discussion on the topic of what cool is and how the media exploits teens by taking their original ideas of what cool is, re-packaging it, and selling it back to them. Discussion of the media’s image of popular and cool and how different that is from reality. Discussion of how they can find their own sources of cool by turning to underground sources of music, art, and style, and refusing to buy into the mainstream.
- Dying to be Thin. Video presentation with discussion on the topic of eating disorders and body image. We talked about the difference between the media’s ideal body and the average woman’s body. Also discussed how the constant barrage of unrealistic images affects our esteem and eating habits.
The kids are now giving the new admits their awakening names as they come in so they have the opportunity to be on both ends of the ceremonial experience. It’s been interesting to me to see how seriously some of the kids take the task of picking out their peer’s names.
We’ve also started making “remembrance bracelets”. Kids get to pick from a variety of leather and then choose a special ornamental bead that represents their awakening name. As they have awakenings and share them with me or with the group they choose new beads to add to their bracelets. The beads help them to be cognizant of their transformation as they progress. The bracelets are quite beautiful and inexpensive and the kids love them. Some of them have told me that they’ll keep them forever!
Coming soon:
Culture Jamming: Discussion of how to create individualism and to fight against the onslaught of advertising and false reality in the media. They will make counter- advertisements that proclaim positive messages or spoof advertising that makes fun of advertisements designed to lure in teens.
Punk Rock Week: A study of punk rock culture/music and the attitude and ideas behind it. Exploration of non-conformity and individualism.
As you can probably tell, one of my underlying themes for the group is the idea of identity formation. So many of these kids have no sense of identity, values, or culture. They are miserably trying to fit into the clichés that have been provided for them by the mainstream and the result is a lack of satisfaction that leads to depression, gang affiliation, drug use, suicide, anorexia, etc.
My hope is that they will find something and make it their own, that they will awaken to the inner beauty that is waiting to become manifest. I hope that they can identify with something positive that propels them into their possibilities.
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